Paging Dr. ...............Phil

Today is one of those days. A kind of day I anticipate having many, many times before we actually set foot on Maui sand. I am impatient. And I don't see how all of this is going to work out. Not having a plan drives me nuts sometimes. If I ever try and tell you I'm not a planner, slap me - because this girl? Oh, she's a PLANNER. I plan in my sleep, I plan without even being aware of it. I go along, thinking I'm being all chill and laid back and then suddnely my panties are in a knot because DUDE! We have to get the house rented! If we don't get it rented then we don't have as much $ to save and pay for things like dental bills and bikinis, nor will we have enough $ to move and then I'll never be able to quit my job and open my shaved ice stand, and we will be stuck here for another God-awful winter and I will dream of pineapples and waves while I rot away at a desk under flourescent light.

See what I mean?

It all started with a plan. A plan of renting our house to generate $$. And it spirals from there. Reading back on this, it appears I have two problems (ok, two that we will discuss right now). The first being Planning and the second being Dramatic Exaggeration.

It's okay really. I've done this enough times to know that this cycle of dramatic planning then crashing is just how I roll. I tend to:

• Plan (but not realize I'm planning).
• Freak-out because nothing is going according to - hey, wait a minute.
• Admit that I've been planning.
• Resolve to stand in the face of my awesome plans and just go, 'eh.' (which I now appear to do by writing about it on my blog....geesh).
• Come to the few senses I have and surrender my many plans. Knowing full well I will probably plan again tomorrow. Or in 5 minutes. Hell, 5 seconds. 

Somehow, the cycle really calms me down though. It probably sounds like the definition of insanity to a lot of people. All I can say is that it's just how things are for me - insane or not. I do believe, above all else, that I am not in charge of the big picture, if you get my drift. So, you know, there's comfort in that.

The biggest thing I think I am learning so far in this journey is to wait. Which is ironic, because as I pointed out in a previous post, for years we've stayed in Boise because I felt like we were supposed to wait. When it became apparent that we were going to begin the journey of moving to Maui I was all 'Yeah! No more waiting! We are moving! And moving is not waiting!' But um, no. We are still waiting. Just in a different way, which, now that I think about it, may have been the whole point all along. Maybe it's not about waiting in a literal sense, necessarily. Well maybe it is sorta, but maybe that literal waiting translates into more metaphorical heart/mind/spirit sorts of things. Maybe it's more about where I am putting my trust. Where I am focusing my eyes. Who I am leaning against as we try to sort out the details of disintigrating most of a household and transporting the leftovers to an island over 3000 miles away.

Kind of a heavy post, I know. But if I'm going to blog about this journey (pretty much hate the word journey by now), I'm going to blog about more than just the sprinkles and rainbow moments.

Peace.